Piese de Noah Haidle

A Long History Of Neglect
Andy is a young recluse who rarely leaves his closet and has a habit of shitting in his pants when he's nervous. He's tortured by two neighborhood bullies, his mother works three jobs, and his sister is a slut. But things change once a visit is paid to Andy by the 19th century poetess, emily Dickinson.
Kitty Kitty Kitty
Kitty, a suicidal housecat, finds his true love in his clone, the first successfully cloned housecat, Kitty Kitty. They give each other hand jobs, but Kitty Kitty doesn't love Kitty back. So Kitty decides to make another clone of himself, the title character Kitty Kitty Kitty. But something goes wrong in the cloning process, and he makes more copies of himself, each one more retarded than the last. The final clone, Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty, communicates in nothing but grunts and yells and drool. A comedy about love, unrequited love, regret and hand jobs.
Mr. Marmalade
Lucy is a four-year-old girl with a very active imagination. Unfortunately, her imaginary friend Mr. Marmalade doesn't have much time for her. Not to mention he beats up his personal assistant, has a cocaine addic-tion, and a penchant for pornography and very long dildos. Larry, her only real friend, is the youngest suicide attempt in the history of New Jersey. MR. MARMALADE is a savage black comedy about what it takes to grow up in these difficult times.
Persephone or Slow Time
Meet Demeter, an exquisite statue of the Greek goddess, as she's being created during the Italian Renaissance. Those who admire her see only stone and fortitude, but her thoughts and desires are all too real; she pines for her lost daughter's return and for the love of her sculptor, Giuseppe. Giuseppe, however, is too busy lusting after the city's most popular artist's model to notice Demeter's pain. Fast forward five hundred years: Demeter stands in a present-day American city park. She has become a symbol of hope amidst illicit activity and a target for more than just pigeon droppings. Witness to human foibles both hilarious and horrible, Demeter is desperate for someone—anyone—to hear her thoughts. And when her life seems bleakest, redemption comes in the unlikeliest of forms.
Princess Marjorie
As teenagers, Charlie and Harper reveled in their proximity to the gorgeous girly cousin who came to stay in the room next door. She quickly, inevitably and forever became the brothers' peephole princess. Youthful fantasies are safely frozen in time - vivid and rambunctious - until the three-some is reunited all grown up.
Rag and Bone
Two brothers, Jeff and George, run The Ladder Store, which is actually a front for their business in black-market hearts.The play begins when George steals the heart of a poet. The play then follows the poet with no heart; a hooker with a heart of gold; T-Bone, her pimp who feels too damn much; and the Millionaire, who eventually receives the poet's heart and sees a whole different world. Jeff and George recently lost their mother, but they put her heart into George's body, and all of a sudden he's wearing a dress, drinking martinis and cooking pot roasts. This is a heartfelt comedy about the limits of feeling, and the consequences of either feeling nothing or too damn much.
Saturn Returns
An astrological phenomenon presupposes that when the planet Saturn completes its cycle every thirty years of a human's life, that life is affected by deep trauma and change. The play follows Gustin, a radiologist living in Grand Rapids Michigan at the ages of 88, 58 and 28. Gustin in inextricably bound to the women in his life. At 88 his nurse, Suzanne; at 58 his daughter, Zephyr; and at 28, his wife, Loretta. Gustin endures as the women come and go, live and die. By the end of the play all three ages are represented onstage, watching the former versions of themselves make decisions and mistakes that define their future.
Spaghetti Western
The story of Vance LaVon, one of the greatest Western villains of his day, whose affections fall more toward his cowboy sidekicks than his leading ladies. On the set of a B-western filmed in Italy, he falls in love with his male costar Lynn Bardot, who unfortunately for Vance, is married to Vicky, a somewhat neurotic religious zealot, and has a son, Dean, who grows up to become a vitriolic televangelist with a homophobic agenda.
Vigils
Two years ago the Widow's husband, a fireman, died in a burning building trying to save a baby. Instead of grieving, she keeps his Soul in a box in her bedroom and takes it out for conversation and the occasional hug. She and the Wooer, a friend of her husband, go on a date—one that he has been looking forward to for years. While they are out, the Soul and the Body play out moments from their life with the Widow, and their death. Finally, the Widow decides to let her husband go; she puts the body in the ground where it belongs and watches the Soul ascend to heaven. Instead of accepting new love from the Wooer, she walks into a field of marigolds, the flowers that have come to symbolize both her husband's love and his imperfection.
What is the Cause of Thunder?
After twenty-seven years on the same soap opera, Ada is starting to confuse her art and her life. But after so many years of acting, her art is her life. Haidle's poignant comedy brings us the hilarity of daytime drama alongside the harsher, but often equally funny, realities of life.
Women And Criminals
An anarchic black comedy. It explores a satirical parallel between the Kennedy family and The Oresteia. The action centers on a Kennedy-obsessed woman working at the sperm bank where the Kennedy brothers make deposits for posterity.

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Noah Haidle

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