Carolina si poneiul, de Laurentiu Budau


L a u r e n ţ i u B u d ǎ u
Caroline and the Pony
(strong comedy)
translated by Alexandra Budǎu
Caracthers:
Caroline
Zozo - The owner of the circus
The Screwball doctor
Miss Rubber band
Deputy Headmaster
The Mother
The Father
Oxford - The pony with a blue eye
The Nile Crocodile
- 2010 -
Scene I
(The Mother, Caroline,The Screwball Doctor)

The Mother: I’m very worried doctor, very worried. I started to dream owls.
The Screwball Doctor: Nightmares are treated at the upper floor, here we deal with growing,the good growing and when I say that, I don’t refer to education, dear Madam; for this parents, teachers and Inquistors were invented. Cute them, a lot of them are under the intelectual level of those who should educate them, but this is not my job,especially because I’m not well payed by this insanitary clinic. Go down to floor two Madam, second door on the left. My colleague the shrink, champion of darts, will help you for sure.
The Mother: ...Sometimes I even dream seagulls,rarely though, but usually before the holidays. I dream about how they shit on the tower cranes.
The Screwball Doctor: Second floor, Madam, second floor! I am responsible with the elongation of bones and you, I see that you have the nerves set. Maybe too set. Who recommended you, my parlour?
The Mother: Destiny doctor. I was passing, empty on the inside, holding this child in front of the hospital when a baritone voice whispered to me out of the sudden “Go to the third floor ,parlour 333 and there you will find the alleviation of all your problems....”
The Screwball Doctor: All of them?!”There” you mean, here?! ...Are you sure that this unpalatable voice or destiny or who knows what the hell was, indicated corectly the number of the parlour?
The Mother: Infallible. Infallible. Caroline, be nice! Don’t you see that I’m talking to an older man ? 333 how differently?!
The Screwball Doctor: At the moment I see myself obliged to send you two floors down .You can’t be wrong.There is only one door on that dark hall.
The Mother: Ok, but there is the morgue!
The Screwball Doctor: There is no problem that cannot be solved behind that door. There have never been complaints in that branch... Next!
The Mother: Doctor you are our last hope! The destiny itself recommended you to us!
The Screwball Doctor: I know, the baritone voice. Next! ...Understand me Madam, in two hours I have a flight that will take me to Paris to have an important conference that will revolutionate the medicine or at least it’s future. Very, very important, so my thought is only there (singing) Aux Champs Élysées !!!
The Mother:What will it be with this child? Can’t you see that she is holding you tight as a an ivy?
The Screwball Doctor: Mhmm... Make a paternity test, please. Advisable. The variant with the DNA is much more certain... It’s useless to blackmail me. I can’t have children. The nurse can confirm you. Isn’t it Cella? (singing) Aux Champs Élysées!!!
The Mother: Calm down. She already has a father and for every child, one single father is always enough.Knives thrower. The problem is a different one.
The Screwball Doctor: Ah, another problem? I have only one hour and 45 minutes and I’m not in the mood of running on the tarmac! Concentrate!
The Mother: Five minutes are enough for an informed eye. Look for a moment at her. I beg you.If it is necessary I will even kneel before you... Soo?! Consult her, please!
The Screwball Doctor: What happened to your shoulder?
The Mother: Nothing... A scratch.It’s going to pass... Settle down, Caroline! Mister Doctor only wants the best for you even if he is in a hurry. Calm down!
The Screwball Doctor: ...Is everything Ok? What a temper. She looks normal for a child of four years old. The eyes betray a sharp inteligence but also an unexplainable melancholia. She is a lovely girl with a suitable name and with a seamless growth.You can hum ”Ode to Joy”. Yes, yes it’s time to dream parrots and magpies. Nurse give the girl a lolipop with pink ladybugs! And now: ”Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! We will drink a beer in Paris!”
The Mother: No “goodbye and beer”, doctor. My girl is twelve years old and she looks like someone of ...of....of four and....and...and we won’t leave from here until I get an explanation. Any kind of explanation. I have this right stipulated by the National House of Assurances. I’m tired to keep on dreaming owls and seagulls, on the trash. Think of me and of my dark rings... Twelve years old doctor, did you understand, not four? Twelve!!!!
The Screwball Doctor: !!!
The Mother: Hey?! Are you speechless?!
The Screwball Doctor:I was meditating... It’s only one hour left and let the blue chimps die, if i know that i finished packing or not.Nurse, pack yourself! I’m timing you! ...Wendy contaminated by the Peter Pan syndrome, euphemisticaly speaking, but if I should express myself in specific terms we can affirm that we are dealing with a typical case of dwarfism. I’m sorry but this is the truth and I have no minute left to spare you.Yes, yes smile.This is an economic anomaly. Dwarfism is the opposite of giantism... Nothing can be done in this matter and to any parlour you will go you will get the same unchangeable answer, no matter the payment. Argue with Mother Nature who has put fat on her head and who forgot about agriculture.... Resign with dignity! ...This business has also good parts. The lilliputians are required for Christmas and most of them have well payed careers. (Makes sounds like a train) Get out of the way!
The Mother: Okay-Okay, so what is the cause then, because nothing in this life happens without a precise cause. That is what the parson repeats to us in a throaty voice, every Sunday in which it rains with frogs.
The Screwball Doctor: Woman, consult a bearded astrologer.Is it so difficult to understand? Science has the hands raised in this case. Absolutely.

He throws his jumper revealing an amazing tuxedo,he gets two red large suitcases from under the study in which he tries to get in, his sexy nurse and goes off at a rare bat,whistling “Aux Champs Élysées”

The Mother (staring amazed while he disappeares): And to still believe in... voices! That’s a good one!
The Screwball Doctor (reappears as suddenly as he disappeared): Oh and until I forget, don’t forget to pass by the pay box! Here’s the timer. I stopped it right on time... Second door on the right, near the exit. You infered corectly. We also accept Maestro and Visa cards!






Scene 2
(The Father, The owner of the circus)

The owner of the circus: I know you are in a desperate situation, Rudolph, but you can’t stay here anymore. No one put you to drink before the show. What would you have done if the knife would have touched the jugular and not the shoulder of your wife? Unconscious! ...Think man, I don’t want the police to raid over my businesses. Luckily the situation was saved by the clowns who splashed the arena with tomato sauce, otherwise...
The Father: I promise this was the last time. I don’t know what have gotten into me. I am 50 years old and something else beside throwing knives, I don’t know what to do.
The owner of the circus: You do know!
The Father: What?
The owner of the circus: Problems! Problems, Rudolph! I can’t accept any longer, compromises. Look at those from “Soleil” where they have got. They are intangibles and consequents.
The Father:Where could I go, Zozo?! At my age no one will receive me, not even at the circus of poor Klaus. All of them look for handsome, young and small mouth people. Please give me another chance... a little one, the last one, Zozo!
The Father: Do you want me to humiliate myself? I will humiliate myself, Zozo.
The owner of the circus:You are too proud Rudi.In three hours I want you to free the trailer. I have signed a contract with an Indian fakir having a perfect CV. I need some space. He is coming with everything he has.
The Father: I have a family Zozo, a child with problems who has to be educated and fed.
The owner of the circus: You should have thought of that before you have hooked up with the woman with the snake on her shoulder.
The Father: So in the end that is all about. The story remains in the past. It didn’t work... I didn’t know that Eve is your protegee and... I had a moment of wandering. Short. We were each other attracted by the other one’s snake. (Sighing) I am at a difficult age... easy to be seduced.
The owner of the circus: Me too.I have a broken heart like a Bohemian porcelain. Broken to pieces... The decision has been made. And she agreed.
The Father: Eveline?! Do you want me to humiliate myself?
The owner of the circus: Be worthy and get lost. I never stood you, not even when I took care of the small animals and you were the star of Stromboli’s circus and the only owner.
The Father: You can’t throw me in the street on this awful weather. I don’t have any money, not even to buy myself a paper umbrella to put in the ice cream from the toys stand. Lend me some time! From my money has been bought this shiny tent, from Rudi’s money. (Cries)
The owner of the circus: Let it be. I’m generous. I will make you one last and big offer. Stop the whimper because you are annoying me! Listen to me!
The Father: I’m listening! I knew that you also have a good part. Thank you little Zozo! I will learn you the trick with the happy ladles!
The owner of the circus: Don’t bother, it is obsolete... When it comes about leaving, you will still leave at long last, but it depends on you, how. It remains for you to convince your wife of the offer. She might agree because she chokes up a lot of things from you lately.
The Father: I’m listening Zozo. What is your offer?
The owner of the circus: I offer you to sell me your little daugther, Caroline, or to lease her to me for 35 years. I’m thinking about a fabulous magic number that will wreathe my career and I need her for that. The audience will be delirious and my pockets are going to be filled with money. You also have a percent. They pay well for a genetic anomaly... What do you say?!
The Father: Bleeder! I’m sorry that I took the knives to sharpen them and that I don’t have any with me, pray Sinbad... I’m not that miserable. Carol is not a thing ,a land but a human being. A human being, do you understand, like me and you! Sorry you are not a human being but a monster... You know why you can’t do the wonderful number with the 24 circles?
The owner of the circus: Honestly I don’t. Can you clear it up for me?
The Father: Because you cannot count them .Illiterate!
The owner of the circus: That’s it! In three hours I want to have the trailer swept and the keys given to the accountant. Be worthy and go away!
The Father: Zozoo!
The owner of the circus: Indeed, that’s my name, still,from now on I prefer you to forget this horrible name of a monster. I’m tired of gossip and things done behind my back! ...Hello! Mister Indian fakir excuse me for my delay, yes, yes, I had some administrative curent things to solve. In three hours I want to meet you near the elephant’s cage... Yes, yes, the pink one...Of course Raj...of course, bring also your luggage.
The Father: You put me down, Zozo. Don’t chase me away like a razor back.
The owner of the circus: The Charity House Stromboli is bankrupt. Farewell!
The Father (finished): ...How much?!


Scene 3
(The Mother, Caroline)

The Mother: Ah, I dreamt again seagulls and when I dream seagulls that are pecking my head, everything goes wrong.Today you aren’t going to the West School, Caroline. No way.
Caroline: Why?! ...Are we going again on a tour? ...I started to like it here. Why shouldn’t I go to school, mommy?!
The Mother: No questions! That’s what the bald man from over there asked me, the deputy headmaster. He won’t write in the list that you were absent. He swore. He told me that your papers from the Minister haven’t arrived yet and that they might assign you at the end of the semester to the inferior course. He stuttered the explanations and he got red just like your father when he lies to me in the middle of the night to justify his disapperances. He told me that he is thinking seriously about setting up a class for nonresident pupils, for them not to disturb the activity of regular pupils. Theoretically this is not a bad thing.... Rudi! ...Rudiiii!
Caroline: ”Nonresident pupils”?!
The Mother: Yes, pupils who are under the necessity of following their parents through different towns in which they are obliged through the nature of their job of devolping their activity. The children of officers, police men and military men...
Caroline: Tumblers....
The Mother: Of course. It’s not a shame to recognize it (only in the case in which you are asked) that you are the child of some skilled artists. There are all sort of prejudices but drawing a line, only for the ignorants, the circus is not a nobel profession. Sometime I was under the protection of kings or emirs but now we have to get used to the whims of the “characters” of which one way or another, we are dependent of.
Caroline: Dependent? Why would we be dependent? Haven’t you learned me that the liberty of taking decisions is the greatest liberty to which a person can aspire?
The Mother: Have I told you something like that?! (followed by a long silence) Of course I should have told you Caroline since you state it so decided. Ah,these owls! Rudi! Rudiii! ...Important decisions don’t depend on the height. I suppose that you are not complexed by your reduced to the scale appearance.
Caroline: Not at all, I feel good like this. When children are small and their problems are small and as they grow, their problems fit their height so I don’t want to create problems to my loved ones... I’m curious, still, how are they going to set up a class when I’m the only “nonresident pupil” from this little town.
The Mother: Tumba-rumba!! !...Crook! How didn’t I think of that... Well done! Three times well done! ...I suspected that the villain with the list was hiding something from me. How couldn’t I have thought of something like that! I could have told him something more but he had sent after janitor to lead me out... Idiot. I have to force him to present me in a written way a clear cause of your rejection from the courses so that I can reclaim him. That is how the system works consequently that is how we act. What time is it?
Caroline: The cats started to agitate so there has to be at least eight o’clock.Even a quarter after eight.
The Mother: Tumba-Rumba!!! How didn’t I tkink about it ?! Such a stupidity,a class with only one pupil. Illogical... I have to take a cab. Bring my green hat while I’m putting some lipstick on... and the pills for pressure. I’m going to have a monster fight. Until I get there, I have time to prepare my speech as I should. No one from this world has the right to discriminate my child, not even some deputy headmaster. Your mother, Caro never gives up. I have faced tougher ones... You will see Caroline! ...You will see Caroline!




Scene 4
(Caroline,The Pony)

The Pony: Why are you crying?
Caroline: If this salty water that is going down my face means crying then that sure means that I am sad. Very sad. Don’t ask me for details... Let’s get to know each other!
The Pony (proud): Oxford-The Shetland Pony.
Caroline: Ohhh! ...Carol! Just Carol. I thought that ponies only know their pony language not and....
The Pony: Prejudices! It’s not that hard to assimilate other language than The Mother tongue but a lot of animals are cosy. How do you learn easily two even three foreign languages the least...
Caroline: For this is needed a lot of perseverance. We also attend some schools in the case in which we are granted by a certain colectivity.
The Pony: You see, association is a quality which to us doesn’t abound and the majority indulges to play it’s part of a solitary dumb creature. The only one of us which succeded to get his certificate of polyglot is the Nile crocodile. We still don’t have a good education system and in our circle everything is transmitted on the oral way. How much waste of experience and talent! If we put our brains to contribution we could be a serious competition. We have a strong nature and a similar personality.
Caroline: Brr! I don’t doubt that. What do you want to be when you will be all grown up?
The Pony: The classic question! What are you doing ,are you interviewing me?! But I am already all grown up even though I look almost the same as when I was born. I have the same age as the sword swallower only that he grew up meanwhile... Pony, what else could I be, of course not a racing horse, tough i would have wanted it. (Sighing) I don’t have the data...
Caroline: Interesting. A pony that wants to be a pony. Deep!I have to write that down in my journal.
The Pony (humming the hit “As long as the sparrow lives, it is a baby”): My ancestors worked very hard in the mine generations in a row but my parents chose to work in the showbiz... But if you ask me seriously I would have liked to be an investigation reporter but I still haven’t found out how can I hold the pen with these little hooves and then I limit myself to the gambols from the wait. We can’t all be geniuses.
Caroline: But we can try. A reporter you were saying?! You could hire a part-time secretary to who you could dictate the articles and who should send them at the editorial in your place... That simple, Oxford.
The Pony (shy): Great. Do you want to?!
Caroline: What do you mean if I want to?
The Pony: Say yes or no.
Caroline: How should I say “yes” or “no” without knowing what is all about?
The Pony: So you don’t want to! (Sighing) I was right...
Caroline: Of course I want to but I have to know what’s all about in this offer.
The Pony: Thank you. Yupee! The interview has been taken. Lucky one! From now on, you are my secretary. Consider yourself hired.Yupee ya ya yupee ya! Congratulations.
Caroline: You weren’t so transparent,but... I accept.
The Pony (neighing happy): Yupee! I will promote a gazette! I will promote a gazette! “The rusty horseshoe” will be it’s name.
Caroline: Easy, your name is still Oxford-the Shetland pony-and you have a moral duty in front of the gray matter. You can do much more than this featureless title...
The Pony: ”The shreded tent” how does it sound? ...”The humid hay”? ”The gray curb”?
Caroline: Keep trying. I’m not going anywhere. I have time.
The Pony: Stop staring at my only eye... the blue one.I was born like that. The other one is violet, you know...
Caroline: Hilarious! A real curiosity.
The Pony: Still...”The Pony”, do you think it would sound bad?
Caroline: Not bad, incomplete for sure. Add something more,you eyed one... a word that will complete it.
The Pony (neighing three times): Yupee! Yupee! I found it! ”Caroline and the Pony”. That’s how the publication is going to be called... Tell me that you disagree.
Caroline: I do. At last a suitable name, original and complete. We have to celebrate. Let’s inaugarate... I have half dark chocolate with peanuts in my backpack and an overripe orange.
The Pony: I can get some oat also... We are going to share everything like siblings, aren’t we?
Caroline: Of course!


Scene 5
(The owner of the circus, Caroline, The Pony)

The owner of the circus: Why don’t you let the animals to rest and why do you feed them with nonsense? What is this Dalmatian horse doing here?! How many times do I have to repeat that he must not be left unsupervised not even a second?! ...Do you know how much it costs me the local veterinary,the little one?...
Caroline: Well...
The owner of the circus: Not a word! Where is your giddy father? He whould have given me a steady answer and not disappear... Mother? ...What do you do?
Caroline: At this hour I think he must be training, uncle Zozo, and my mother must be gathering evidence...
The owner of the circus: It was about time... What training,what evidence, what parents? Hi-hi! And you, why are’t you in school? What do you do? Why are you talking on your own? Why is your hair gathered in this way? Why is it cloudy outside? Is the current year a leap one? What has that doctor from the hospital say to you? Did he found anything wrong with you? ...Is it contagious?
Caroline: Well...
The owner of the circus: Of course.You can see it with the naked eye. Hi-hi! It’s not going to rain... I understood everything, don’t try that hard. I know everything. I see everything.I hear everything. Didn’t you notice a moustached fakir around here?
Caroline: Fakir?!
The owner of the circus:An indian one.He has a hemp turban and the habit of spitting three times over his shoulder every half an hour.He wears a raffia bag in which it is stuffed a synthetic flying carpet and makes incantations under the portable shower.He adores cattle without horns.He speaks only English and he looks cock-eyed.
Caroline: Does he have squint?
The owner of the circus: He doesn’t wear Squint, but Armani, you ignorant. He is styled and he has value like a question mark...Yes, I don’t know why am I sharing those kind of intimacies with you... little one. Take the insolent and uneducated Oxford in the giddy-go-round and also take this pile of papers gone pale. Do some perfect cornucopias for the representation in the morning. Perfect, did you copy that?
Caroline: But the papers are from my father’s youth in which he played along my mother the number that made them famous in all Europe... How could I tear them?!
The owner of the circus: With the hand. Too bad for all that quality paper thrown away. Supersized edition and money thrown away. I don’t admit to be contradicted by...by... Shut up!I have eliminated for good and irrevocable the record and I moved there the monkeys in quarantine. Take care not to take one away because I’ve counted them all carefully. Carefully, little girl.
Caroline: How many are then if i’m not impolite or ignorant, uncle Zozo?
The owner of the circus: Of course you are. You resemble your father, mid... You strike directly to the target. Sorry. I got excited. There are... there are ...are enough and if we split them into four there will be many more, about five times more.Count yourself... No commentaries! Go to work! I have my eyes on you! ...I don’t accept! I don’t accept! I see everything! I know everything. (Get’s out sniffing.)
The Pony: A fine clown he is, with his poor mathematics... Is he gone?
Caroline: I hope so. I can’t hear him sniffing anymore.
The Pony: Since he hit me with the whip and threatened me to mark me with a burning iron, I can’t stand this farcical intruder. It’s not my fault that I couldn’t run with the superobese daughter of the judge in saddle and that i fell together with her, at the four lap exactly in the middle of the lime hole.
Caroline: Forget it. The part with the lime was actually funny. The orchestrate laughed with tears at this wonderful moment. From it’s boss you got the loaf sugar while you were punished.
The Pony: I didn’t know. I thought Zozo got kind and that he was trying to send me signals to forgive him.Give me details!!!
Caroline: Some other time, now we have more important things to do so that first we have to look for some likable ink.
The Pony: Likable?!
Caroline:Yes, invisible ink, which can be read only in the moment when the cornucopias on which we are going to write our gazette are filled with hot popcorn.
The Pony: Aha! A circulating gazette?! On cornucopias?! Make me understand.
Caroline: Don’t pet yourself. You were born apprehended. It’s more economical... to start with that. You are in the end... Einstein!
The Pony: Oxford, please. The Shetland pony! Yupee yaya yupee yupee ya! Of course, a brilliant idea. Too bad it doesn’t belong entirely... to me!


Scene 6
(Deputy Headmaster, The Mother, Miss Rubber band)

Deputy Headmaster: Calm down Madam and stop agitating this mothy hat. You are in a respectable institution. You don’t have any reason to believe what you believe. Absolutely. The school year has just begun... Did you bring the test results?
The Mother: Of course.All the papers are in the file,plus the coloured photographs.
Deputy Headmaster: Everything seems to be alright.
The Mother: Seems?!
Deputy Headmaster: Maybe even it is alright.
The Mother: So make me understand, from now on my little girl Caroline won’t be any longer isolated and she will be able to go to classes with full rights like every pupil from the West School? Do I have your word?
Deputy Headmaster: From my point of view Madam there is no obstacle... We have to take into account some rules.We are all their slaves.
The Mother: I agree.I thank you very much!
Deputy Headmaster: ...Still...
The Mother: Still?!
Deputy Headmaster: There is an amendment in the internal regulation of function, of the institution in which it says that every pupil can attend classes only if he/she has the favorable notice of the parents comitee boss and in the file you are presenting to me i can’t find that notice.
The Mother: Notice?! I’m hearing new things. Clear me up!
Deputy Headmaster: It is a measure of avoiding the registration of felon pupils or with negative behavioral antecedents and which until now has given magnificent results because of the extreme vigilance of the comitee involved.
The Mother: In this case, I want to talk to the Headmaster. Immediately! This is an abuse!I can’t stand a new postponement. I consider that you humiliated me enough.
Deputy Headmaster: The Headmaster can’t be bothered with unsignificant things... He is a cardiac and on the top, my favourite uncle. He has to be protected. Because of this it has been created the function I own. You can in exchange talk with the lovely lady Rubber Band, the boss of the parents comitee of the West School and my cousin after my mother which by a fluke is serving her mixture of energizing drinks in the anteroom. Follow me please, Miss Rubber Band, this is The Mother of the girl from the circus Stromboli, the one I told you about...
Miss Rubber band (talks imperative): Nice to meet you or not.We, the representatives of the parents who send their descendants with the biggest confidence to this school, exploring with remembrance the application of the appointed etc, etc, etc, declare in unanimity that we don’t agree that the above mentioned to attend the obligatory classes with our pupils because her liliputan height betrays for certain a hidden disease because of the lon staying between wild and sick animals of the circus and it could represent a dangerous center of infection being able to jeopardize seriously the health of the colectivity. Etc, etc, etc... We...
The Mother: But here it is a whole conspiracy. My Caroline hasn’t got anything except for the fact that at 4 years old she hasn’t grown a finger and to this thing no one was able to offer until now a logical explanation... What are your arguments based on?
Miss Rubber band: Don’t interupt us... Where were we?!... dangerous center of infection... Yes, yes, I found the line. We don’t have to base our arguments or justify ourselves in front of any obtuse parent. Our intuition has never failed ,not even in cases more profound like these ones. We...
The Mother: Easy. Take a break. Which “we”?! ...You are mother, I suppose?
Miss Rubber band: God forbid! I hate children! The idea of changing diapers rumples my epidermis constantly. I always wear an antiseptic mask... when I have to phtograph myself around them.
The Mother: So then, how did you get to be the boss of the parents comitee? Who chose you? It’s ilogical.
Miss Rubber band: Honestly?
The Mother: Honestly, at least as you can.
Miss Rubber band: My fiance, Krantz, is the official sponsor of the school and I had to fill my time in the absence of other essential concerns.
The Mother (calm): I am able to get even to the Dalai Lama, NASA and the Pope! It is an A-BU-SE! I will sue you all... All!
Miss Rubber band: We...
Deputy Headmaster: Calm down cousin Rubber Bandy, I take it from here. My uncle, the headmaster, he is also a lawyer and until now I haven’t heard him to have lost a trial in which he was involved that in the case in which you could afford to open one... Janitor!







Scene 7
(The Pony, Caroline)

Caroline: Get your glasses off and wipe them! ...What’s happening?
The Pony: Emotions, Caro, emotions.The blue of my eye has turned very vivid. I heard somewhere that on the first day the inferiors need the encouragements of the bosses.
Caroline: We established that we are parteners... Have you changed your mind?
The Pony: Not at all.Oxford doesn’t take back his pony word. Are the cornupairs ready? Sheats? Ink?
Caroline: Everything is under control, Oxford. Stop throwing your hoof useless because you are getting dirty the paper with dust. The pony, Oxford! ...Dictate me the font article... I’m listening!
The Pony: ”The nightmares of the loser clown Zozo or About the chocking steam of the sterile incompetence” ...Do you think it sounds posh?
Caroline: So and so.You have a immobile. A newspaper is not a Greek tragedy or a pill for sleep. The incompetence is always sterile if you have noticed. Without templates. We risk to lose our readers even from the start with these superficial things.
The Pony: Well. I don’t think someone will abandon the cornupairs without emptying them first. The lustfuls certainly not. Who makes the popcorn?
Caroline: My mother, who else? Before, it was made by the tamer without animals but since “that one” ran away in the middle of a show on the Mediteraneean shore with a bearded one filled with tattoos, my mother was obliged by Zozo to take this suplimentary job also. It’s not easy. Believe me. It can happen all sort of accidents. Think only of the boiling oil.
The Pony: I think so. Still ask her to make them as hotter as possible and to distribute them shortly before the last gong. It’s a trick.
Caroline: It doesn’t work. If you really want to get the children interested in reading your articles, you have to talk in an open way about their problems and you should offer them solutions.
The Pony: What do you mean,even the children have problems?
Caroline: And even what problems.What for the adults is a triffle, for any child it could mean the end of the world or the beginning of it. Think about it, for example, a broken balloon. For parents it doesn’t mean anything, only in the least a rag of rubber that can be replaced easily. For a child it is everything. The Alpha and Omega being one. If you want to make a boy or a girl to cry for hours,break their balloon by stealth, while they are playing with it very happy. They will never forgive you for your cruelty and don’t think you could ever be their friend again.
The Pony: Interesting. It seems more complicated than I thought... No one was born a journalist... I think we have to postpone the first edition for the day in which we will be truly ready. Should we vote for it? What do you say?
Caroline: I agree totally. I always supposed that you are a wise and mature pony.
The Pony: Of course. Strong essences are kept in small crystal bottles. I am 31 years old even though I don’t show them.
Caroline: Exactly like me.
The Pony: What do you mean that you also are 31 years old?! What a coincidence! Ya-ya-ya! I thought you were getting ready for kindergarten. Don’t you lie to me?
Caroline:I rectify. I wanted to say that I also am 12 years old even though I look like I am 4 or 5 years old.
The Pony: Aha! It happens...Isn’t it hard for you?
Caroline: I will handle things if I always am surrounded by friends like you. For the moment let’s gather ideas and when they bake enough, let’s sift them.
The Pony: Great. From now on we have to act with the ideas as if with the popcorn. Brilliant. How didn’t I think about it?I have to note that down also in a way... If you want, you can caress me slowly on the forehead and climb as a reward on the plush bloody red saddle and pull easily by the ribbons. Without the other characteristics I am also a pet.
Caroline: I always wanted this but I didn’t dare to take advantage...I wouldn’t want you to think about me that I am superficial but I am just curious to experience...Do you think you would ask more than half an apple for a ride until the trailers and back?
The Pony: Yah. Nothing. We are parteners.While we go for a ride you can tell me something about how do you think it should be made an ideal day of a life for a child. The subject interests me truly and it has to be elaborated.
Caroline: Yupee! Yupee! Let’s go, Oxford!
The Pony: Easy! ...Is the apple ripe?


Scene 8
(The owner of the circus, Caroline, The Pony)

The owner of the circus: Ladies and gentlemen, honoured public, esteemed audience and dear counselor withholding payment but grumpy! Gloomy gathering! ...Joke! Hi-hi! Welcome to Stromboli circus!!! (intervention of the orchestra) We suggest to you tonight not a different kind of show, a show with which you are not used to, but a show that is going to remain in your memory all your lifetime. (Intervention of the orchestra) You won’t see this time lions with their prosthesis fallen,the pointless number with the “Happy Ladles” (Tins blown by the wind), the mumbleds of the knife thrower who has taken as target the moon (Horror effect followed by a broken window), the obese aerialist in transparent suit (Gasps with wings) Nothing, nothing, nothing! Stromboli says farewell to its junk mummies and starts with this representation a new page from its history, a new evanescent age! Deepest regrets! (Cannons and fireworks) Show, show, show!!! (The orchestra attacks tempestuous) Long live the clown Zozo, the reformer!!! (Awkward silence) One! For the ”appetizer”, ”Dancing cows” followed by “The jumping cabbage” (Game, sarcastic laughters)
The Pony (behind the curtain): I am 31 years old and their equivalent to humans is almost one hundred but I haven’t seen for a long time such a show.
Caroline (idem): Me either. I don’t know, should I laugh or cry?
The Pony: It depends on the perspective you see things.
Caroline: What does your blue eye say?
The Pony: It objects and asks insistently to close it and stick it with adhesive, otherwise it threaten me that it is going to leave me! What should I do?Give me a piece of advice!
Caroline: Be cautious! The divorce of a sphere is problematic. Sight is one of the most precious gifts. Listen to it!
The owner of the circus: Show, show, show!!! Second: ”Dessert”! Raj Aspargilius, the Indian fakir, taxi driver, champion at milking and seller of hot-dog in his spare time and “Cannabis touched by Parkinson!” (Game, sarcastic laughters)
The Pony: I’m passing out, I can’t take it any longer!
Caroline: Control yourself? Do you want us to be discovered? ...What does your blue eye say now, Oxford?
The Pony: It is in strike... Did you forget?
Caroline: Sorry... What about the violet one?
The Pony: It gone livid...
Caroline: Aww, close this one also. Pull down the shutters. It’s bad.
The Pony:What am I going to analyse with,the events, Caro?! Clear me up.
Caroline: With... with the little ears! Cu-ckoo! Let me tell you the summary!
The owner of the circus:And now at the final, the top cherry. The top! The climax! The master! (Whistles followed by percussion) I kept for the final “the main dish”....Third one! Yes, yes you heard well! The great Zozo, here with you, in a duet with the bored gibbon in the memorable number with the 24 circles! (Trompets and little trompets) Applauses to encourage, please! Encourage! Encourage! Shout with me together: ”Little Zozo! Little Zozo!” (Ripe tomatoes and addle egs) Thank you for the warm appreciations that fell down on me! (Game followed by ripe tomatoes and addle egs, lots of addle egs plus hoots) Mercy! I don’t want any appreciations or encouragements! Mercyyy! (Ripe tomatoes, addle egs and spaghetti with bolognese sauce and steady fried onion)
The Pony: Is it over?!
Caroline: No. It’s just really starting. Round two! (in the background, delirious applauses mixed with whistles of rural niff.)
The Pony: Tell me what’s going on.Is it happening something or not? I’m dying to know!
Caroline: What is it supposed to happen? The bored gibbon started to confuse Zozo with a new punching bag and the audience is delirious. It is the only number which they asked it once more and the gibbon acts like a real professional without betraying his emotions. He knows how to respect the audience , he even tries new figures to the delight the ones from the pit.
The Pony: Yuppee yaya yuppee yuppee ya! Original thing.If he accepts to become his manager, I will give him a box with bananas, although he seemed a little bit sullen when he stared between the grate at the extreme sports from the tv of the guard.
Caroline: Yah. I think this monkey discovered it’s vocation and is going to leave us soon for the Olympics.


Scene 9
(The Mother, The Father)

The Mother:You have left me on my own, as usual, to fight with all the thieves.Where are you going, Rudolph? You have vanished in the moment I most needed you. This child also needs a father to get involved in her education not just a character who offers her a lot of lollipops on holidays. Who is she going to talk to if it isn’t with you? I surprised her yesterday talking on her own near the tail of that old pony on which children climb on, between breaks. On her own, Rudi. What do you have to say about this? Do you think that is normal?
The Father: You exaggerate as usual... It is going to be solved. I married you just because you are independent and brave, Stella.
The Mother: Don’t be ironic. You could have appealed to the services of a tank or bulldozer for this. You can rent them if you didn’t know this.Iron does not suffer.It is going to be solved... It is going to be solved... What is happening with you,with us, with the family, with our life? Gather yourself, I don’t recognize you anymore!
The Father: I can’t make it.I am discouraged, Stella... since then Stella, yes, yes, since that cursed night. It seems nothing happens as it should.
The Mother: Anchor yourself in the present. Gather yourself... You promised something to that abject Zozo because he treats me too well? Why is he looking for you and sticks around Caro as a bloodhound? Truth, Rudi! I think you are aware that only the truth can save our marriage. Look into my eyes,in my eyes Rudi, tare like at the target I was tied of and on which I was waiting to tingle, amative, your shining daggers near my scared temples!
The Father: I am ashamed. I am very ashamed of what I was willing to accept in the case in which Zozo would have left us in the street and out of the troupe.
The Mother: I have got to know you so well that I read you like a menu.You fool. I want to know everything from you. Everything. What did you promise to that sorrowful? Confess, Rudi, for the sake of the past!
The Father: I promised him that... I will think about his offer.
The Mother: What do you have to think about?! What offer?
The Father: If I ...should sell or not Caro for his magic numbers... I am a scurvy idiot.
The Mother: !!!
The Father: Forgive me Stella, I am a distorted father and husband. A shitty worm.
The Mother: !!!
The Father: Yes, yes, you heard well.
The Mother: It is the first time in your life when you succeded to leave me spechless. You should have been a two bit actor. You have what it takes. Well done. This outrageous stupidity surpasses all the other ones. That’s it, I had it... You have changed very much. I wouldn’t have thought that you are even capable of thinking about this horrification. It’s time for us to say one another with elegance goodbye. We split everything equal... Fifty-fifty. Caroline stays with me and the set of silver knives keep it for your next victim... I hope for you to find soon another brave one who you are going to blind her eyes with mascara and convince her to tie herself on her own to the target. Farewell.
The Father: No.
The Mother: What “no”?!
The Father: You won’t do this. Without you two, I risk to become an absolute zero.
The Mother: I have tried everything.I give up... Nothing can make me change my decision. It’s irrevocable.
The Father: Yes. From now on I swear to become again the man you met 20 years ago and who you loved as your single God. I swear!



Scene 10
(Caroline, The Pony)

The Pony: Caroline tell me openhearted, do you consider me in some way your friend?
Caroline: The best, Oxford and if I think more, you are the first real friend from my life. Nomero uno. I was friend on a ship with a Chinese girl that we got along from gestures but this went on only one afternoon and I don’t think it counts. As for the rest I don’t remember having other friends... Are you crying?!
The Pony: Shetland ponies don’t cry. A drop of dew falls down their face sometime because of the dust or the spotlights and to everyone that seems so ordinary that after a while this thing is not even remarked... We are too small to afford being sentimental, aren’t we?
Caroline: If you say so. I have to note this down also... Why do you ask?
The Pony: It seems that you are hiding something from me and with a friend there have to be no secrets. Tell me about what was the most beautiful day from your life.
Caroline: The most beautiful day from my life? The way I went to a picnic together with my parents on a double bike and we all ran to catch imperial butterflies until late... As for the rest I don’t remember a different day. I’m sure this was the one... When we came back we tied all of them with a thin silk leash and I sat like that in the arms of my father with my hand risen until I fell asleep...
The Pony: Wonderful. I’m going to write an article on this theme if you allow me. You have beautiful memories. Do you have other ones also?
Caroline: I think it’s one of the few of this kind, if not even the only one.The other ones are not that pleasant... I remember that when I was 3 and a half years old, I was holding my mother, who was carrying a big luggage, tied with a thick string so that it wouldn’t crack, on a long and gloomy street which seemed not to be ending and at the end of it were sounding engines. Then I asked her for the first and last time to take me in her arms because my fragile legs seemed not to listen to me anymore and then, my mother told me that she cannot because I am too heavy and old to be carried in her arms... Are you crying again? Your beautiful blue eye became washy.
The Pony: It will come back.It’s a reflex process. I told you,I’m clearing my eyes. Go on!
Caroline: Some other time then ,two weeks after this thing, I surprised my father slapping my mother who asked him exigently in a morning to give her some money for my milk... (Bitter silence) Subsequently I found out that in that night he had lost Stromboli circus gambling, which should have belonged to me the moment I would have been mature enough in favour of ugly Zozo and then... Oh my God but what is happening with your eye, Oxford, it is white as snow! I didn’t know you so sensitive.
The Pony: Don’t bother! And then?!
Caroline : ...And then I got angry and I didn’t want to go on growing and I prayed to my sweet angel to let me stay this little all my life so that I won’t be anybody’s burden. (Even more bitter silence) ...And it seems that my angel listened to me with love because the prayings of the children are the first ones listened to in Heaven, that’s what my grandmother told me. This is my secret and please don’t tell anyone about it. If another thing happened and leave me speechless, I don’t know what will I be able to do.
The Pony: If you want we can stop here and go on some other time with the report. It had got into me an awful flagging because of the emotions. No, you can’t help me with anything. I feel the need to be on my own some moments, alone... Cover me with this old tarpaulin until I pull myself together...
Caroline: Of course? OK! Here’s a handkerchief! I will get you immediately a cushion and a cup of tea.


Scene 11
(Caroline,The owner of the circus)

Caroline: Uncle Zozo, you look like!!! Have you come for the audition? You are late, you know that! “The Simphony of the destiny” is ending.Next is “The run”.
The owner of the circus: Psst! What audition?! I am incognito. Incognito! You haven’t seen me, heard me, you don’t know my name... did you understand? What is with this funeral music and what are you doing with this cushion and the cup of tea? Where is Rudolph the cutler? I saw his shadow just now sneaking near the tent.
Caroline: He is fighting with my mother as usual and every time this happens they turn on the simphonic music very loud and I’m sent away with elegance, until they chill out, uncle Incognito... What is with this armour? Are you avoiding something or someone?
The owner of the circus: Shut up! For protection against nightmares and unexpected attacks! ...Do you go for a walk often?
Caroline: Twice a week, maximum six.The thing also presents good parts.I have acquired a profound music culture and I know by heart all the masters of the piano plus the disciples...What happened to your nose,why do you have the wig disheveled and why do you wear these hideous glasses? Why are you wearing an armour? Why are you whispering? Why are you always saying shut up?!
The owner of the circus: That’s not your problem.I am alergic. I have a twitch because of the unwashed monkey hair. Stretch your hands.
Caroline: Why? They are clean.
The owner of the circus: So that I can get the size for the cage I want to hold you in, until I finish my number. Great, you don’t need too much space. It is as solved, the variant of displacement. No one will notice the trickery... Go and call Rudi now!I need immediately his signature.He seemed like he had decided. He asked me a respite.
Caroline: What number?
The owner of the circus: Shut up! Don’t shout... Of magic, of course.
Caroline: Ok, but I don’t agree.I don’t belive in magic and I don’t agree with it because it smells more like trickery than art. I suffer of claustrophobia, is it good? What should I do stuck in a cage like a doll in a box?
The owner of the circus: Shut up. Your opinion doesn’t count, your tutor’s or parent’s it does.
Caroline: No?! We will see.Haven’t you heard about the rights of the children? We also have a special telephone number,you know. You are in a big trouble with my mother if she finds out... Is it true that the gibbon confused you last night with a female gibbon when the worlds stopped after the seventh round? Is it true that you want to abandon Stromboli and start your own circulating campaign? In one word:Do you dream seagulls or owls?
The owner of the circus: Shut up!You resemble Stella hussy, a little bit of respect. I am still the rightful owner of this circus. You will see what is going to happen to you because of your big mouth, you will see if you don’t stop...
Caroline: Yes?! Does it seem to me or that shadow you thought it was my father’s is the one of the horny gibbon? There he goes. He looks like a cauldron under pressure filled with hormones. It seems like he is doing amorous signs to you, uncle Zozo.You awkward.
The owner of the circus: Shut up! From now on that isn’t my name anymore... Did you forget?
Caroline: I’m sorry, uncle... Incognito. There he just spotted you and he is coming closer futively with a large bouquet of cactuses. He is admiring your back. A real fan...and the only one if I’m not mistaken. You can see from a distance that he is in love. Hey, here you tough one!
The owner of the circus: Shut up-shut up-shut up! Oh dear, I’m out of here. You haven’t seen me, heard me and for whoever asks of me in fact I don’t even exist, I do only in your nightmares...
Caroline: ...What about my father?


Scene 12
(The Nile Crocodile, Caroline, The Pony, The owner of the circus, The Father, The Mother)

The Nile Crocodile: ”Lasciate ogni speranza, voi che entrate qui... ”What are you doing here? Didn’t you see what is written on the sign from the entrance?
Caroline: I didn’t, dear Mister Nile Crocodile. So good that we can communicate. I’m here for a “lesson”. I heard that you are polyglot.
The Nile Crocodile (bored):Very. I don’t offer tutorials. You know very well that I can’t stand people, since they took me away from my swamp, putting me to sleep with a gun.I detest you, although I have taken possession of your language! Konnichiwa! For the last time! What brings you here?
Caroline: I came here for you to eat me. I’m on sell.
The Nile Crocodile: You are so straight! Bussinesses then... Nice introduction... très agréable! Make yourself comfortable!
Caroline: Thank you! I heard that the sweetness of the human meat surpasses the one of any meat on earth.
The Nile Crocodile: That’s true! Checked and tested! Yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!!! I forgot about this since I am fed with leftovers of dead birds and raw eggs. It’s good that you reminded me.Eww! You seem to have fragile and flavoured bones. My maxillary trembles only when I look at you... How do you want to be swallowed?
Caroline: Romantic and by surround... I don’t doubt that you are a real professional... after the sign from the entrance. I didn’t have the opportunity to be eaten by someone with style until now... Advise me!
The Nile Crocodile: Oui, oui! Oh, but that is very easy. The style is the crocodile itself! ...Come closer. Should I put on some ambient music? Good, good... You have a very pretty tartan dress!
Caroline: It’s new. A Christmas present from my parents. I hope it won’t derange you at the swallowing. I wouldn’t want to give up on it just now.
The Nile Crocodile: Niet. I will handle... It doesn’t count the details problem. Cotton is digestible if you don’t have in your pockets some coins or clots of chewing gum. Come! ...Do you have any last wish? Do you want to taste something before...? Candy floss? Jelly? Peanuts?
Caroline: Nothing.I’ve had enough of... everything. I don’t want to be spared, not even a little... Swallow me and that’s it!It’s simple-simple-sinple!
The Nile Crocodile: No-no-no-no! Stop! Did you come here to teach me or to be thought? Little girl! The sacrifice follows a certain ritual. It is a whole theory and the golden rule says that us, the crocodiles mustn’t know the name of our victim or her story, for us to remain impartial and perfect butchers.
Caroline: Superstitions. My name is Caroline, I am four, sorry, twelve years old...
The Nile Crocodile: Decide! ...Confess, only that I don’t have the stole or the lies detector with me !
Caroline: Ok, I have an uncertain age and a lot of unberable problems... I suffer of not being loved! This is it!
The Nile Crocodile: At this age?! Difficult case! To me the opposite sex started to interest me since the fifteenth tide of the river... Nem tudom! Nem tudom! ...You are a little bit forward,don’t you think?! Have you ever seen a doctor?
Caroline: Yes, but he was in a hurry, superficial and he was off his nut... Excuse me. I think you are mistaken. What did you think?! ...It’s not about the opposite sex but about my parents.
The Nile Crocodile: Yeah! Serious! That is totally a different situation. Yes, yes it can’t be improved... I understand you completely! In this case, there is nothing to be done... Kaput! Harakiri! Commedia finito! It is appropriate for you to give them a memorable lesson... Sit on my tongue like on a massage rack and relax! ...Oi-oi! Are you trembling?! Count sheep... Schnell! Schnell! ...I’m going to try to be very fast and... tender... Bitte!
The Pony: Warning! Warning! Child in the cage of the crocodiles! Warning!
The owner of the circus: Why do you shout, uneducated you, in the middle of the night? You animal! Do you know that we just got the authorisation to get installed at the periphery of this neighbourhood and that with great sacrifices and interventions. Where is my whip?
The Pony: Warning! Warning! Caroline, my friend is in danger of being devoured by the big Nile crocodile. Please do something, Mr. Engineer!
The owner of the circus: There you are, slake yourself and don’t clutter! Foolish you! Here’s another one! Tomorrow in the morning I am going to put down on your foreheard with the burning iron a sign and I will sell you to a limestone quarry. There you will be able to shout as long as you want to all day long.
The Pony: Intervene! Don’t let him eat her, Mr.incompetent Zozo!She is so young, so confused and imature... Call 112!
The owner of the circus: Yes, yes! I’m going to beat you up until you won’t be able to breathe! Where did you put my damn whip?
The Father: Caroline!
The Mother: Caroline!
The Father and Mother: Carolineee!
The Nile Crocodile: I think they are looking for you. You have a très jolie name. It comes from an ancient German name that means owner. Listen you are born to be a master, not a breakfast... Can you hear them?
Caroline: I don’t, scholar. They are too busy with their problems to have time for me. I want to eliberate them of the drudge I represent. Did you finish that complex ritual? Swallow me already! ...Why are you shuffling? What are you waiting for?
The Nile Crocodile: A miracle! Desperates are not exactly my speciality. O tempora, o mores! ...It provokes me cramps...
The Pony: Warning! Warning! Caroline come to your senses! Get out of there immediately until I will be upset! The first number of our newspaper is almost ready and we will have to share autographs. Both of us... I have found the title of the font article and even a sponsor... Do you hear me?! Who is going to correct my mistakes? Think about that!!!
The Father: Caroline, my little girl! Caroline! Carooo!
The Mother: Caroline, where are you!
The Father and Mother: Caroline! Caroline!
The Nile Crocodile: After how these deperates scream I wouldn’t say that they don’t love you.Listen to me,get up!I give up! I am a postgraduate in semantics and expert in inflexions. I am still 500 years old edgeways.
Caroline: That’s cool! ...Do you believe?
The Nile Crocodile: That I am five hndred years old? Eh! It was my birthday a week ago. I also got a cake... it was harder with the candles.
Caroline: I wasn’t refering to that... do you think that they love me?
The Nile Crocodile: I’m absolutely convinced... (falling into a trance) ”I love you ! Je t ’aime! Ich liebe dich! Te amo! Ia liubliu tebia! Ja gdiskar dig!” ...They are absolutely scattered and capable of everything. Look how they run and rummage everywhere. In case of a battle body to body with them I don’t think I would last more then ten to fifteen minutes. I wouldn’t be delighted to become a set of posh bags or a bag for money in an exposition... Analyse and decide!
The Pony: Caroline, get out of there,don’t fool around. Look into my clear blue eye... Look, I’m on my knees and when a Shetland pony is on his knees it means that it is time for you to grow up, to get commitments and to assume responsabilities for your acts.
The Nile Crocodile: In translation, with other words... grow up! Grow up Caroline, dear! Be brave! The most precious thing you’ve got is life with good and bad things in it. Listen to that funny little horse and a stiff old man with a bow and very dulled teeth. We also had some little blurrings at our puberty but we were able to get over them on the move... You have to decide Caroline to grow up! Très vite! ...Have you decided?
The Pony: Only this way you are going to solve indeed your problems, Caroline. Dear! Dear!
Caroline: To grow up...but I have forgotten the prayer to the angel... How is he going to listen to me, Oxford if I don’t remember it?!
All of them: We are going to help you! We!
Caroline: How?!
All of them: If you want to ,we could say it together!
The Nile Crocodile: Bonne chance, mes amis! Courage! For my part, I support you.


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